Screen time with Shoti (小弟)

on spending quality time with my brother

Apr 10, 2025

I am the eldest of three, the A of ABC kids (Abigail, Bernice, Clarence). At home, they call me Achi1.

Our age gaps are in extremes; me and Ber are 3 years apart (we pretty much grew up together), while me and Clar are 8 years apart. I never knew how to make sense of being the eldest sibling, especially since I had to learn to be independent (and also a parent) when my father passed away at an early age, and together with the career I chose (where I had to do everything on my own), it was no surprise I’d be hyper-independent as an adult.

Quality time was something robbed off from me when I moved away. Part of me thought it was maxed out during the pandemic; after all, we were always home and every one of my family members was just a knock on the door or a flight of stairs away. But then, like everyone else, we were all just busy and unsure when it would end. So I don’t think that did anything for our relationship as siblings.

I’d like to think we’re chill in general. We spend a lot of time together during our annual holiday trips; something we’ve done since 2010 or so. Traveling is one thing; traveling with family is another. Luckily we’ve found our rhythm in that department over the years.

just three hungry tourists in Shirakawa-go (December 2023)

It’s always a different feeling visiting home, having lived an entirely different life for the most part of the last three years—one that focused on making sure I get by every day, living in the quiet comforts of being alone, and learning how to be self-sufficient in a city I did not grow up in.

This time around though, my annual trip visiting Manila and reuniting with family was for my sister’s wedding. And in that wave of busyness, I unexpectedly found joy in spending the most time with my (no longer baby) brother.

The quest for a decent egg (and coffee)

During our family trip to LA last Christmas, Clar broadcasted to us his 2025 goals—one of them involved cooking better food, which was funny and unlikely. One night in our hotel room (where cousins and my aunt would gather after our day out in the city), he suddenly blurted out how the food at home sucks (lol, I can attest to that) and he wanted to change that. Apparently mom told me he was waiting for me to come visit so we could get this project started.

True enough, he sent me a master list of what he wanted to learn, and we went to work—we hit the grocery, I taught him how to chop and slice, and eventually to get flavours going in every dish we made.

L: eggs 101 by me / R: morning coffee made by Clar

I guess living abroad has had its perks—I cook a lot and made sure I fed myself every day (because this one time I didn’t, I fell off a construction site and got injured and let’s not get into details). Decent egg was the main agenda, because for some reason, our helper cooks it way too dry to his liking.

This was fun. I had a reason to get up in the morning to make breakfast, and in return, I’d get to order my beverage of choice (mostly either an Americano or Latte) to accompany my first meal of the day.

Here’s a little peek at our cafe hopping day (and some snippets of my Manila trip):

Intersecting language and film

My favourite part of being home was being at the dinner table.

I’ve become so used to eating alone that it’s such a novelty to catch up with my favourite people over a meal. While my mom and sister were busy discussing wedding plans and updates, my brother and I somehow found a common ground in Japanese films.

My brother is N1 level2 in Japanese, so it was a no brainer that he’d be interested to watch these films. And you know me—I love movies. So when I brought up Perfect Days (one of my favourite films) over dinner, we ended up watching the film that same evening, and finding more films to watch in the next days. It was fun, to be able to just watch and form our own opinions and debrief after every viewing.

That’s to say, we both zoned out at Drive My Car. The three hours took us out, oops! It could be that or we were both exhausted the day after all the festivities took place.

Same same, but different

One of the things that surprised me the most was my brother casually telling me he’s heading to Japan for a week this April. Sounds familiar…

I traveled to Japan frequently in my early twenties3. It was something I did out of convenience and curiosity, as I had a friend who hosted me back then. In the middle of my annual book publishing deadlines, I was booking a flight to Tokyo or Kyoto and somehow catching my breath in the Spring, before the hurdle of deadlines came after me. Looking back, that period of my life trained me to be able to live abroad and forge a new life outside the comforts of home.

That being said, over dinner, he was looking for places to stay and asking me where my recommended cafes are. And of course, I was happy to lend a hand—literally, handing him the zines I wrote about Japan and where I’ve been during my past trips.

Unsurprisingly, most of my closest friends are also the eldest in the family (or the youngest).

I mentioned this to one of my friends, Jess, who also is the eldest daughter with a sister and brother. She told me, “Isn’t it wonderful, seeing them as an adult and become their own person?”

It is, it really, truly is.

coffee nerds at Maru Coffee (December 2024)

On that note, over dinner one evening, our uncle was calling up my mother and asking in Hokkien, “Zabeth, have you eaten?” to which my brother looked at me and said, “Achi, that’ll be us in 30 years 👀”

I couldn’t help but cackle, and also smile.

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