Maybe I’m secretly a hopeless romantic

I read four romance novels in one week…that’s got to count for something, right?

Writer’s note: Hey, it’s been a while. If you’re new here, hello, I’m an artist and (content) creator by day and I like to write essays on my free time. That’s a very reductive way of saying writing is probably one of the few outlets I have apart from my creative job (that pays the bills), and here’s my attempt at getting back to it, albeit slowly. Thanks for dropping by!

Also there might be spoilers here so you were warned.

admittedly enjoyed designing this graphic

Ever since my very brief encounter of being in a relationship (as of this writing I consider it more of a lesson I needed to learn instead of an actual thing that happened) two years ago, I’d sworn off any romance-centric storyline or music so I could lower my expectations on this department.

Let’s address the elephant in the room here—I’m single, in my thirties, and I’m not on the apps by choice. I just don’t think it’s for me (at least for now), and I think I know myself well enough to make decisions that are in my favor.

(Okay honestly it’s because, yes, in this day and age—and dare I say, economy?! I still believe in a good ol’ meet cute)

Apart from abstaining from listening to Snow on the Beach since my breakup, I still dream of living in a Nora Ephron film (When Harry Met Sally, specifically) and I love the occasional cute rom-com (two weeks ago I binge watched Nobody Wants This, which was, unsurprisingly, very up my alley).

My memory is not serving me well on how I ended up reading romance novels for an entire week—but after a series of emotionally draining encounters that sent me in overdrive at the start of October, I finally woke my Kindle up and opened my TBR¹ and started a week of reading romance books. I may have coincidentally taken a week off too, which I thoroughly enjoyed (the combination of cold weather and lack of motivation plus that time of the month all happened in the same week, what are the odds).

Let’s just say, I learned a few things about myself, and how these stories meant to me. As a reader, I’m admittedly very easy to please (maybe holding too high of a standard to my own work has forever scarred me) and I’m not so critical about characters and storylines—if I like a book, I like it, and if I don’t, I don’t. So take my reviews and thoughts like a grain of salt; you were warned.

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Funny Story by Emily Henry | ★★★★☆

The name Emily Henry has been circulating around my YouTube feed (I like tuning into Jack Edwards and Cari for my book preferences) and every year, it seems she has released remarkable bestsellers and I didn’t really know where to start.

I picked the latest one, Funny Story, because I liked the roommate trope (I’m a New Girl stan through and through) and funnily enough (pun intended) I really enjoyed this book way more than expected.

What do I know? I had always assumed romance books were too cheesy and unrealistic to a fault, and part of me doesn’t enjoy escapism as much (or giving me some kind of false hope of reality). One thing that stood out to me from this book was how real the characters felt (to me), and how they acted was a result of their experiences, fears, anxieties, and everything they’re made up of. I thoroughly appreciate MCs² in their thirties and still figuring life out, because same.

We follow Daphne, a librarian in a small fictional town in Michigan, fresh from a breakup and engagement (ouch), currently living in Miles’ apartment, who is apparently her ex’s ex. While they commiserate on the fact that they were both left by their SOs, circumstances allow them to get to know each other more and maybe the plot twist was what they exactly needed in their own respective lives. That, and they decide to go fake dating to show their exes that they’re doing really good, actually.

There’s something so touching about this story to me, especially because as it’s Daphne’s POV, the way she thinks reminds me so much of me (insecure, unsure, always anxious, with abandonment issues) that it gave me some perspective on how others perceive me and how it could actually be the other way around, on the receiving end of things.

Miles seemed like a really great guy, like genuinely nice, sweet, and charming—and my favorite MMC from all the books I’ve read (maybe he is my type?!? I kept telling friends this after I finished the book). Maybe because he always sees the good in everyone, especially Daphne.

Intertwined into the fake dating trope is a pinch of family drama, building friendships, figuring out what kind of love you deserve, and how to find it. I was glued to my bed (with all my big pillows so it seemed like a makeshift couch) reading and finishing it on a Monday that I took the day off and finished this book so fast.

Notes from my journal

• Fake dating is apparently my favorite trope now?!

• Love the communication and also how they open up about their fears and traumas

• The Senior Prom 🥹 sunrise kayaking and Readathon! So much fun events (a very summery read)

• Miles is such a golden retriever, I 100% need a Miles (very Nick Miller from New Girl energy)

Honestly, I’m Totally Faking It by Amanda Gambill | ★★★☆☆

I have no idea how this title got into my radar but I did order a sample from the Kindle store and after I flipped through it I just wanted to finish it right there and then (so of course I bought a copy).

The story starts with Rach, who works as a personal assistant, landing a temp gig being a PA for Pres, who is running for office (mayor) and is working on his campaign initiatives when Rach unexpectedly ends up causing a scene on national TV (I guess you can say it’s a nip slip?). In an effort to cover this up, Pres’ PR tells him to pretend that Rach is his girlfriend (ha, fake dating again), when in fact she’s his PA, and the book centers around the workplace (in politics) and navigating public persona (someone can relate) and figuring out the best way to make everything look presentable in the public eye, as the months lead to his announcement of running for mayor.

Of course, as expected, there’s the part where they end up having mutual feelings for each other and knowing 1) it’s impossible and 2) it’s just short-lived (which is funny because all the books I read this past week had the same context). I think there’s something to be said about social class for this particular book, and how they learn to accept and compromise with each other because of that. It’s cute though—you’d think Capricorn guys are thoroughly cold AF until they (at least in this book) meet someone who turns them into a softy and eventually becomes more human and kind.

Personally I didn’t like Rach, even if she liked astrology like me (I am that person who will randomly ask you when your birthday is and do a mental calculation in my head so I know what sign you are before we actually become friends). Her optimism isn’t my cup of tea, but then again, it was fun to read her POV (this is still a first person POV book—also OMG I realized she’s a Libra, aka people who love to look at the bright side). It also put me in a will they/won’t they (end up together) position so it was nice to know how it ended.

Part of me remembered a similar storyline or at least in a parallel universe: Meg Cabot’s All-American Girl (wow, so much for a throwback) which I read maybe in 5th grade or something? About this girl who saves the President and his son might be in love with her. I need to revisit and reread…

Notes from my journal

• OK this was cute and spicy³ lol (albeit too spicy for my liking)

• I like the office environment and how Rach changes the vibe with her being there

• Not sure if I like the assistant/boss power dynamic but actually the more I read it the more it changes the stereotype of this trope so okay, I guess it works.

How to End a Love Story by Yulin Kuang | ★★★☆☆

I’m going ahead and giving this 3 stars because I finished it so fast (the fastest among all the books in this essay) only because I was so curious about how it’d end (I wouldn’t say it’s my favorite ending but ok fine). But in theory as I look back on my romance reading week, I’d give this a 2.5 because the story felt too much for me (maybe that’s just me saying, this isn’t my cup of tea). Also, trigger warning: sister committing suicide is at the center of the plot.

The novel puts you into context: it’s late 2000s and there’s that famous guy who’s everyone favorite and is the student body president (Grant) and that introverted awkward school newspaper editor girl (Helen) in the same school, a tragic and unexpected accident links them together (in a bad way), and thirteen years later, they find themselves in the same writer’s room trying to hide the fact that they know each other and have shared trauma that’s yet to be unpacked. Which is clearly so obvious that their (sexual?) tension can be sensed by everyone else in the said room.

I gave this a reading chance because the FMC is Chinese-American and more often than not, Asian upbringing is clearly very rooted in a person’s character (I’m living proof, the one of many) so it was understandable how she had reservations on her successes and how her family perceived her (in addition to her sister passing away early).

I’m going to be biased and say I enjoyed the East to West Coast location setting because, thanks to work, I was able to visit LA and NY last summer. It made me miss the SoCal energy so much (and the sun). I loved living vicariously through working on a TV show (I like to joke and say if I wasn’t an artist I’d either work in a restaurant or in TV/film to be honest—screenwriting and production are both fascinating to me) and the environment really set the tone for me.

The hardest part of reading this book was how cold and distant Helen was, and the time it took for her to come to terms with her past and how she had to deal with it on her own (which seemed very hard and totally understandable—grief is very tough). Grant seemed like a charmer, and there’s definitely something to be said about seeing how a person evolves into who they are after a significant amount of time has passed. The slow-burn was kilig⁴ but felt forbidden so I honestly didn’t know what to feel about it 🤔

Overall a good read, possibly the heaviest from the rest of the titles. The ending felt reasonable to me, and I appreciated the closure the FMC resolved with.

Notes from my journal

• Fine, third person POV is growing on me

• Pretty sure Grant always had a thing for Helen since high school

• The high school flashbacks are so fitting to the storyline because it allows the reader to get perspective about who they were back then and how things transpired afterwards

• Found the ending too long and unnecessary but OK still cute (the NYPL scene!!!)

• Is it actually trauma bonding?? 🤔

Romantic Comedy by Curtis Sittenfeld | ★★★★☆

This was initially the first book I was going to read among the bunch, and it became the last for the week, and in hindsight, I think it was the best one to end the week with.

I saw so many mixed reviews on Goodreads about Romantic Comedy, but I still powered through because the first part walks you through a week in the life of a writer in fictional SNL (which is the type of lore I love getting into) and then it brings to the next chapter which was written in epistolary⁵ format (I love reading emails—it’s so cryptic in its own way) and eventually brings us to the final chapter where things actually take shape.

After reading the past two steamy novels (Honestly I’m Totally Faking It and How To End a Love Story), I can’t tolerate anything past 3/5 according to romance.io standards—I appreciated the realistic timeline of this book. Maybe coupled with the fact that it actually took years and the right timing to be in a position to actually feel feelings and realize what’s right in front of the two main characters (I guess I like a slow-burn based on my observations). That being said, it could also be my bias of reading about MCs in their thirties because it somehow gives me hope that it’s possible to have that kind of love, and to never settle for anything less.

Obviously this storyline is a bit more “out of the box” in a sense that it was probably fate (ha, that’s me and my hopeless romantic self writing) that celeb hotshot and musician Noah Brewster and comedy writer Sally Milz met through TNO (The Night Owls, aka fictional Saturday Night Love), had a cute chemistry building up the week Noah hosted (that neither of them wanted to admit at that time), and how Sally navigates this in her own POV based on her own biases about celebrity dating culture and writing for a comedy sketch show (aka her dream job).

Admittedly after reading this I watched a lot of SNL sketches on YouTube and dove deep into comedians and their work (around the same time, I was watching Hacks and it’s also in the comedy scene, which deserves its own essay). Sally’s origin story on getting into TNO was such a nice touch! I love a good career backstory.

The highlight for me, while reading this, was I started on Friday during a commute, left it in the open for a bit (binge watched Hacks), and it wasn’t until Sunday evening at 3AM that I was kicking my feet reading the second part and eventually finished the book at 4AM (I would like to not do this frequently, because it disrupts my work schedule, but it really is one of those “I have to finish this book!” kind of moments that I rarely encounter these days anymore, so I gave in).

I highlighted a lot of pages and important stuff, not just about romance, but about work and dreams and all that jazz. I think this and Funny Story had very aww cute 🥰declarations of love that will live in my head rent-free.

And yes, can you tell? I liked this and Funny Story the most among the four titles.

Notes from my journal

• This totally has Starstruck vibes

• I didn’t expect COVID to be part of the timeline but in this context, it made sense (also probably my first time reading about COVID in a book, so it felt weird in many ways)

• The email correspondences brought me back to Sally Rooney and Taylor Jenkins Reid books and that’s probably why I enjoyed this way much more than the others

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To sum up my romance reading week:

• I like reading romance as a genre (not love—pun intended!), and would want to read more and see which tropes I enjoy the most (I equate this to my classic rom-com movie watching habits).

• If the MCs are in their thirties I will happily read the book (my delulu is it could apply to my life too, maybe, somehow, just hoping it does, to some extent)

• Grumpy/sunshine dynamic is so cute and even cuter when the guy is sunshine (I think I’m grumpy to a fault). Also, I prefer more realistic approaches to the romance instead of it being forced in writing.

• Turns out I like books that are set in the US, I guess it’s easier for my brain to visualize and contextualize the setting.

• In contrast to the romance build-up, I want to explore more books that talk about the other side of things (Good Material by Dolly Alderton is one I always bring up, that I thoroughly enjoyed reading early this year).

Did I implicitly assume reading romance books would give me some kind of hope in my own personal (yet unwritten) love story? Maybe.

I never talk about this topic because back in my home country (and in the greater societal context), I’d be considered a failure (woah) for still being single at this age, despite having achieved quite a feat in my creative career (don’t ask me, ask the Fil-Chi aunties).

I’d been told by one of my friends and mentors (who tied the knot in her late forties) that I’ve been forging an unconventional path since I decided to pursue my current job, move away from home, and take things into my own hands. And then she wrote to me:

this conversation lives in my head rent-free

I’d like to hope that maybe, somehow, someone will fill that gap, but I’m not rushing to get to that point.

I’ll be happy living in these romance books for a while, thank you very much.

PS: I wanna give a shoutout to my friends Gabs, Ch, and Liz, for recommending some of these books to me! Also, hi Koko 😊

PPS: Please suggest any fun romance books or tangent genres I should explore!

1. TBR - to be read

2. MC - main character (FMC for female main character, MMC for male main character)

3. I found out recently about spice/steam level through romance.io and I think I can tolerate 4 max, preferably 3. Anything above that makes me cringe/flinch (tl;dr I don’t like super steamy stuff being written on the page, and I feel the same about TV / films in that front). The more you know:

4. (from Wikipedia) In the context of Philippine culture, the Tagalog word "kilig" refers to the feeling of excitement due to various love circumstances.

5. anything involving letter writing and/or correspondence (e.g. notes, letters, emails)