Cultivating my (Chinese-Filipino) curiosity

How a Filipino TV show inspired me to look deeper into my own heritage

TW: Death

I’m currently on holiday in warm and sunny Manila, where I was born and raised.

Our family lives in Quezon City, the biggest city in Metro Manila (National Capital Region). It’s a weird time to be home; it’s not the end nor the start of the year, and I figured coming in the summer would be total torture (the Philippines is a tropical country; I do love Berlin in the summer and autumn seasons). So I picked a time that was feasible enough work-wise (it tends to be quieter in the first quarter for my projects lineup) and that aligned with my dad’s death anniversary.

He passed away on March 3, 2002. I was nine, and unknowingly detached from what was happening at that time. For a time, I really believed he was just traveling and he’d come back at some point in the future. Little Abbey needed a coping mechanism; it was the closest I could associate death with at that time.

That same year, during the Metro Manila Film Festival¹, Mano Po was released, and we watched it in the cinema.

It was surreal seeing the same rituals performed during my father’s passing be portrayed on screen. Remember: I was nine; I couldn’t Google these things. In fact, I barely knew what was happening right in front of me. We had to wear all white, we had to visit a temple for the next seven days, and listen to monks chant to make sure my father’s body and soul rested in peace, despite his sudden death (which I will not disclose for personal reasons).

In an unfortunate turn of events, a week after my father died, I got rushed to the hospital for an appendicitis operation. It’s probably my body figuring out how to process all of these things on the last week of second grade.

That film left an indelible mark in me; I feared funerals, burials, finding out someone passed away (that I know of). I don’t think I’ve rewatched the film since (and I prefer not to).

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As a 90s kid (who lived her early years without the Internet—what a privilege), my primary source of knowing about the world (or at least, the world outside the four walls of our home) was through watching television. Looking back, it seemed like I had a very naïve idea of what was being fed to me on screen—which, at that time, our television unit wasn’t even flat yet.

Me and shobe (little sister) at Guama and Guakong’s house

Every Thursday, we paid a visit to my grandparents’ house in Tondo, Manila.

We took a car from Quezon City to the heart of Manila, and we’d pass by Binondo² on the way. Waze or Google Maps wasn’t a thing back then; you’d have to know the route so well that in case a traffic jam happens (shoutout to Mang Jun and Kuya Rico for always knowing their way around the busy streets).

Studying in Saint Jude meant we had no classes on Thursdays instead of Saturdays³, but it was an awkward time of the week to actually not study (ICYDK, Judenites are known for being studious!). So our Thursdays were mostly spent doing two things: (1) studying for Friday’s Chinese exam (they really schedule those exams on Tuesdays or Fridays), or flipping through the channels and watching Filipino TV shows and movies.

I grew up having my fair share of Teleserye⁴ watching, usually over dinner, when my mom and aunts would talk about the same show and waiting for the next weeknight for the next episode. Shows that come to mind include Pangako Sa’Yo, Sa Dulo ng Walang Hanggan, and more fantasy-oriented ones like Marina and Kampanerang Kuba (yes, we were huge Kapamilyas).

As predictable as it was, we ended up watching yearly MMFF nominees over the holidays until we had our yearly tradition of traveling on the last week of the year. Looking back (pre-Netflix!), I realized this was the only way we knew about media, before I got more into indie and coming-of-age films.

Apart from MMFF noms, I had a hunger for locally produced films—I remember my best friend Den and I would regularly watch Erik Matti films at our nearest cinema (Honor Thy Father and Buybust are unforgettable); I remember attending a screening of Metro Manila during an afternoon in campus; I remember knowing about Ang Nawawala; I remember hearing Tonet Jadaone’s TEDx talk (before I gave mine on the same stage!) and looking up the films she directed and watching them years later (Alone/Together hits different). I was (and still am) a sucker for the typical Filipino rom-com; the formula was so predictable but I enjoy the storytelling so much. The antics and storytelling just hit the spot!

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I’d like to think my creative curiosities led me to places that hit closer to home than I realize—one of which being this hyperfixation over a TV soap I would have easily overlooked (my rule is: if I can’t watch it while in Germany⁵, I can’t commit to it, lol).

My mom and my video editor both mentioned Can’t Buy Me Love to me briefly when it first aired in October. But it wasn’t until my mom played through the first episode the first day I arrived in Manila, during lunch, that I clicked Next Episode after Next Episode on Netflix.

Before I knew it, I had finished the first 100 episodes in 4 days, coupled with my chaotic jet lag and lack of sleep. I guess I have a Masters in TV Binging and I’m not ashamed to admit it 😂

Lol I even went as far as editing videos in our living room so I can watch more episodes 😂 It’s the commitment for me

I felt like I needed this; a respite from the whirlwind of life challenges 2023 threw at me. A place to escape to, and to hear dialogue from languages I grew up listening to and speaking (Hokkien⁶, English, and Filipino). An avenue to channel my inner Marites⁷ while giving my two cents on how the Hokkien accent in the show could be better (seriously though, I was taught Hokkien at a young age by the best teacher—my dad!).

The story isn’t something I can easily summarize in one sentence, or paragraph; but it involves two people, Chinese-Filipino traditions, a mix of rom-com and thriller story arc, the song You’ll Be Safe Here⁸ (one of my favorite OPM songs ever), and amusing side characters (honestly, I was ✨ sold ✨).

This is the plot according to a quick Google:

When a young man gets caught up in a deadly plot against a rich woman, he pays a devastating cost to free her — creating a debt that binds them together.

While I got confused with the title at first (isn’t that a Beatles song?!) I do understand how the story justifies it. Apart from the story, the actors are great (and yes I’m a DonBelle⁹ fan now, they make great shows/movies together!) and it’s so refreshing to see Binondo and the Chinese-Filipino dynamic¹⁰ portrayed on TV, knowing that these streets were the same ones we’d pass by growing up, that I mostly took for granted.

In an effort to further understand where I am from, turning to entertainment became a way for me to dig deeper into my own history (herstory!) and figuring out who I am and discovering the things that make up my heritage, as a Chinese-Filipino.

Last Monday, my video editor (a fellow CBML fangirl) and I wandered around the streets of Binondo, scouted the filming locations of the show, and went on a full-on walking tour. It was fun!

I secretly hoped to see the cast and crew filming, but the universe had other plans. Either way, it was a good excuse to walk along these streets like it was just yesterday.

My fond memories of Binondo aren’t much, apart from passing by the streets as a child.

Sometime in college, mom and I would have breakfast at Ying Ying Tea House, head to 168, scout for supplies (I had a small business selling handpainted tote bags and stationery in the early 2010s), and drive back home to QC. When I started working as a freelance artist, my biz bestie Christine had a studio in Escolta’s First United Building, so we would walk around these streets as well, sourcing packaging and supplies in Divi.

I can’t believe this was over six years ago.

A snippet of my documented pages from Binondo

No matter how much (or how little) memories were made in the past, this curiosity led me closer to appreciating my familial Chinese-Filipino roots. And never in my life would I actually expect to come to terms with that fact.

In my twenties, I felt so detached being Chinese-Filipino that I call myself the Mulan¹¹ of this generation (ask any uncle or auntie and they will tell you my job as an artist is not acceptable, and I am a disgrace to the family). I always had a distaste for the common taboo that our culture has been known for (chances are, you’ve heard of things like Great Wall if you went to a Chinese school in the Philippines).

I have my own opinions about our culture (which I will gladly keep to myself, thank you very much), and there are things I dislike about it, sure. But there are a lot of things I love about it, too—food (ha!), family, and friends included (some of my closest friends who live abroad are also Chinese-Filipino). I feel more empowered than ever to share that aspect of my life and how it influenced (somehow) a lot of who I am and what I do.

I can’t wait to tune in to the next episodes (we let the episodes accumulate throughout the week), curl up with a face mask, and watch it in bed with mom. It’s become our weekly bonding activity while I’m here visiting.

1. The Metro Manila Film Festival (MMFF) is an annual film festival organized by the Metro Manila Development Authority and held nationwide in the Philippines. (Source)

2. Binondo is a district in Manila and is considered the world’s oldest Chinatown.

3. I studied in Saint Jude Catholic School, and beside our school is the National Shrine of Saint Jude Thaddeus. The shrine holds its novena service every Thursday to Saint Jude, which means there are a lot of people coming to hear mass and pray. So we had no classes on Thursdays.

4. Teleserye (in the Philippines) means a television soap opera

5. Where I currently live and work

6. Hokkien is a dialect of Mandarin, particularly spoken in Fujian (where most Chinese-Filipinos originated from, in China)

7. In Filipino slang, the term "Marites" is often used to refer to a person, typically a woman, who is excessively talkative, chatty, or gossipy. (Source)

8. OG fans know that this song was first performed by Rivermaya in 2004 for the TV show “Spirits” on ABS-CBN

9. DonBelle (Donny Pangilinan and Belle Mariano) is called a “loveteam”. In Philippine media, a love team (or loveteam) is an actor and actress depicted to the public as a romantic couple. Usually they’re casted in TV shows or movies together, like Can’t Buy Me Love. (Source)

10. I will say though that for transparency reasons, not all Chinese-Filipinos are prestigiously rich, spendy, and affluent like the ones in the show (I am a very frugal person, thank you very much)

11. More for the part where Mulan decides to follow her own rules and breaking the societal norms put onto her. Also, as a persistent girly, lol. Same.